...my brunch with near death.

hello out there in deviantland. it's been sometime since i've been active on this here community. Unfortunately I had some health issues that interfered with my everyday life. For the last couple of months i had been feeling more and more fatigued. tired. uninterested in anything. I wasn't sleeping well and i was having some breating problems as well as some shortness of breath. I was an internet addict and i went down to maybe quickly checking my email or logging into facebook. So that kind of explains why I haven't been to active round these digital parts.
Fastforward to june 11th.. i go to the emergency room because im having an allergic reaction to some antibiotics i was taking.. plus they were not having any affect on the symptoms that they were supposed to be antibioticing away. Doctor exams me... wants to take some blood for testing. sure. why not it's probably just a virus. comes back with the results. no not a virus. You are in kidney failure and my blood count was extremely low. Not to mention dangerously high potassium levels in your system.
needless to say i was admitted into the hospital.. was in icu for one night. they preformed emergency dialysis on me at 2am. and again the next morning. I was in the hospital for 6 days. I may have to be on dialysis for the rest of my life. or maybe one day my kidneys will heal and work. They officially diagnosed me with 'acute kidney failure' I like to refer to it as precious. I have tubes sticking into my chest that are attached to a catheter that was put in by a former Nasa Rocket Scientist. now radiologist. I have confused my kidney doctors because they dont know why they failed. Nor do they know how my blood count got so low since I was loosing any. They dont understand how i was so coherent and able to walk. Tho not very far without panting like i ran around the block.
I also recieved four pints of blood. And wow.. did that make a difference. I feel like a new man. I feel like the old me. I feel energetic and alive again. I feel enthused. Im still processing this and im still coming to terms with the way it's affecting my life at this moment. I have to attend dialysis 3 days a week for four hours each visit. What i will say is that the folks at the clinic are some of the kindest most wonderful health care workers I have ever dealt with. They really do their best to make a necessary inconvienance as comfortable and pleasant an experience as possible.
As I said im still processing this and coming to terms with some of the changes it's making in my life.
I put up a brave face. But that first night. laying there in icu with all the doctors and nurses nervously looking at me. I was scared. As bad as i was feeling i expected the doctor to come back with something worse. i was dancing with near death. maybe that sounds a bit dramatic.. i don't know.
I do know this. Im happy to be here. Im keeping a positive attitude. I'm accepting it as a new way of living. I feel so much better.
I know now why I wasnt meant to be in new orleans. Now i know why this wasn't my time there. My family has been such a support and help during this time... I would have probably never went to emergency room if it wasnt for my Mother insisting. I really wasnt aware of how sick i really was and how unhealty i looked to my family and friends. I know it was stupid. I've been avoiding coming to terms with the fact that yes greg you are getting older. you are not young and invincible anymore.
I happy to have come out on the other side. no, im not invincible. but im still here. im feeling better than i have for a couple of months.
So for those of you wondering where i've been and why ive been so quiet. there you go. Hopefully soon i'll feel like creating again. I just finished a piece.. it's relating this journal entry. I still dont feel connected to it quite fully yet... eventually i will.
So for those of you that read through.. thanks and I hope to be back here real soon!

-greg-