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I will return someday. 

I hope it will be soon. 

I've lost bits of myself. I hope to find them soon. 

these last four years have felt like borrowed time. 

I long for the family that once was. 

and Im tired of love unrequited. 



  • Listening to: only one of the voices in my head
  • Reading: my manifesto
  • Watching: time tick on by into the future
  • Playing: with my inner self.
  • Eating: my words
  • Drinking: in the universe
Hello fellow deviants. So I have a favor to ask anyone out there who has purchased a print of mine, I'd love  to see what you did with it. where you hung it, just curious you know? So if you bought something and wouldn't mind indulging me snap a pic with your phone and email it to me.

thanks.

greg.

email: gregoriousone@gmail.com
hello out there in deviantartland.  So imagine my surprise when I log into dA today and find out that I received a daily deviation. I actually forgot that they still did those.
Was very surprised and and appreciate all the faves, and dev watches, and you all that other crap.

I have enjoyed the comments, i've been in kind of a creative slump and it's nice to see that people like your vision and enjoy the work that you produce.

The other thing that I really am amazed at it the quantity of prints I have been selling. Thank you Thank you Thank you all who have purchased something from my gallery. I've actually made a decent little profit this quarter. So once again thanks for your support--- it thrills me to think that there are copies of my work in homes and apartments and rooms all over the world. It's nice to know that people see the same things in my work that I do.. or at least enough to want to have it on their walls.

I've been asleep for far too long..I think I can feel myself starting to wake up, something stirring deep down inside.

hopefully. I don't like this dead version of me. the one that's quiet on the inside, the one who has lost his passion.

it's a funny ole life sometimes.
  • Listening to: the quiet snow falling outside
  • Reading: zombie spaceship wasteland by patton oswalt
  • Drinking: h20
hello deviantartland. it's been a little while since I've written. thought I would check in, say hi, see how you've been. Things are feeling better here in gregoriousone land.  Summer went by way to quickly and I'm sad to see it end. For the first time in awhile I enjoyed myself-- I felt and looked healthier than I have for awhile. I got outside and played a lot in the sun.  It definitely help re energize me.

But now fall is starting to creep in and  I can feel it in the air. I'm not quire ready for it. I enjoyed how verdant and green and lush everything was this summer.. I'm not looking forward to dark and bare. Although I am looking forward to Halloween. I will be spending it in New Orleans once again this year. I am looking forward to seeing old friends.. and also going to be traveling with friends who are visiting for the first time-- so it will be fun to show off the city to them.

I'm still amazed at the amount of prints that I have been selling lately-- especially since I am not as active on here as I used to be. If you read this and you bought something of mine, I would like to thank you.

Time for me to go.. it's a beautiful saturday and the sun in shining.
hello out there in deviantartland to anyone that might be left listening. I haven't been the most attentive or interactive, or even productive member for awhile now. I still haunt the place-- and luckily have been selling more and more prints.. so to whoever out there keeps buying my stuff-- especially the big prints-- I thank you very much.

I haven't been around because somewhere somehow.. i lost confidence in myself as an artist... or maybe just in myself altogether. Im still trying to sort it out.

this last year and a half has taken a great emotional toll on me and it's left me feeling very lost. I didn't make a big deal out of the fact that almost a year ago i was very close to being dead.
I had ignored some symptoms and issues with my health and it unfortunately progressed to renal failure. So I was very close to being dead-- my potassium levels were quite high, i was retaining a ton of fluid and was bloated, i ran out breath just walking across the room-- due to a very low red blood cell count.. the kidneys release a hormone that tells the bones to do their thing and make more blood-- and when you are in renal failure and it's going untreated.. well your red blood cell count drops. a lot. like dangerously low.

So fast forward almost a year.. luckily i am in good health apart from renal failure. I now have to go to dialysis 3 days a week each treatment lasts 4hrs15minutes.  I start at 5:30 a.m. I am on a transplant list waiting for a kidney-- I do however have a friend who has my same blood type that has offered their one of their kidneys to me.  I haven't taken her up on the offer yet. She would have to go get tested to see if we are a match.  Part of me is afraid to find out. If she isn't a match the average wait for a kidney is around 3 years. The other part of me is afraid of the operation itself.. now im lucky enough to live in a city that pioneered this type of surgery and Pittsburgh's organ transplant center is one of the best in the country...but the surgery and recovery time scare me. I guess it's only natural to feel that way... but I just can't get past it.

So why am i writing about all this.. because with everything that has happened.. it has somehow deadened my creative spirit. I keep trying to reconnect to it.. to feel creative again.. but i don't.
I feel empty.
I feel drained (which isnt surprising since 3 days a week my blood is drained, cleaned, and put back)
I have so much anger inside me.... I miss my old life.  
So much has been stripped away this last year and half... my health started to deteriorate right after I moved to New Orleans....I couldn't find a job... I had to move back leaving my two closest friends down in New Orleans.

It doesn't help that the majority of people on dialysis are senior citizens and that I am one of the youngest dialysis patients in the clinic-- so im surrounded by a lot of people in worse shape than I am.

im going all over the place again. I just don't know anymore. I miss making art.
you would think I would feel happy to still be alive-- and I do.. and am. But it's had such a big effect on my life.. i need to find purpose again.
I have none.
that's really what this all boils down to.. is a lack of purpose or direction.
something or someone to fill up the emptiness.


peace.

-greg-
I haven't written in here for awhile. I've also not been around deviantart that much. And im definitely not as interactive as I used to try to be. This last year has been a hard one for me. In the end i came out alive.. with the the potential of a bright future. It was, however, not without its hardships. And they have definitely affected my frame of mind. I've had several lifestyle changes thrown at me this year.. way's I used to define and think of myself have changed.
Some of the people and things that I cared for the most changed, or are far away. I've gone from being a very social creature to one of near isolation. It just seems like everything has been stripped away from my life. And im now left with this shell of what I once was. I dont mean to make it sound like im totally alone. I did learn this year that I have friends and family that do truly care for me and my well being. But something has changed. Once again I feel so isolated. None of them really know what I am going through.. the changes ive had to make in my life due to kidney failure. Yes, they can sympathize but im the one that is living with the reality.
My whole life has to bend around my Dialysis schedule. I also know I have a lot of unexpressed anger over this. I've noticed how more quickly I get irritated and angry. It also led to the loss of my job. Luckily as a Kidney patient I qualify for Disability Payments.
Some days im fine and relatively happy. Mostly though I am brooding and moody...and empty. I miss the old me.
Now with all that said I am happy that I am still alive, and that otherwise I am in good health.

I know this was kind of all over the place... but I needed to get it out.
Haven't felt very creative lately.
still not feeling quite myself.

I leave for a 6 day stay in New Orleans on wednesday. Hopefully I will return rejuvenated. refreshed. renewed.
I need my friends down there right now. Plus Halloween in New Orleans. no place else i'd rather be.


I've done a lot, God knows I've tried
To find the truth, I've even lied
But all I know is down inside I'm bleeding.

And Super Heroes come to feast
To taste the flesh not yet deceased
And all I know is still the beast is feeding.

And crawling on the planet's face
Some insects called the human race
Lost in time, lost in space
And meaning.

-super heroes- rocky horror picture show.
So i was contacted a few months back by the editor of a new online magazine... they wished to do a feature on my art... orignally he asked me to submit an artists statement or some sort of paragraph about my work..  well that blossomed into a 4 page spread including a lengthy interview..

so here is the link if anyone is interested.. my feature starts on page 21 ;)

www.tenpercentmagazine.com/
the death of me.
this is the new me.
the one kept alive by medicine and machine.
the old me died on june 11.
i am something new. a new construct.

this is my new life.
im not sure what to do with it.
...my brunch with near death.

hello out there in deviantland. it's been sometime since i've been active on this here community. Unfortunately I had some health issues that interfered with my everyday life. For the last couple of months i had been feeling more and more fatigued. tired. uninterested in anything. I wasn't sleeping well and i was having some breating problems as well as some shortness of breath. I was an internet addict and i went down to maybe quickly checking my email or logging into facebook. So that kind of explains why I haven't been to active round these digital parts.
Fastforward to june 11th.. i go to the emergency room because im having an allergic reaction to some antibiotics i was taking.. plus they were not having any affect on the symptoms that they were supposed to be antibioticing away.  Doctor exams me... wants to take some blood for testing. sure. why not it's probably just a virus. comes back with the results. no not a virus. You are in kidney failure and my blood count was extremely low. Not  to mention dangerously high potassium levels in your system.
needless to say i was admitted into the hospital.. was in icu for one night. they preformed emergency dialysis on me at 2am. and again the next morning. I was in the hospital for 6 days. I may have to be on dialysis for the rest of my life. or maybe one day my kidneys will heal and work. They officially diagnosed me with 'acute kidney failure' I like to refer to it as precious. I have tubes sticking into my chest that are attached to a catheter that was put in by a former Nasa Rocket Scientist. now radiologist.  I have confused my kidney doctors because they dont know why they failed. Nor do they know how my blood count got so low since I was loosing any. They dont understand how i was so coherent and able to walk. Tho not very far without panting like i ran around the block.
I also recieved four pints of blood. And wow.. did  that make a difference. I feel like a new man. I feel like the old me. I feel energetic and alive again. I feel enthused. Im still processing this and im still coming  to terms with the way it's affecting my life at this moment. I have to attend dialysis 3 days a week for four hours each visit. What i will say is that the folks at the clinic are some of the kindest most wonderful health care workers I have ever dealt with. They really do their best to make a necessary inconvienance as comfortable and pleasant an experience as possible.
As I said im still processing this and coming  to terms with some of the changes it's making in my life.
I put up a brave face. But that first night. laying there in icu with all the doctors and nurses nervously looking at me. I was scared.  As bad as i was feeling i expected the doctor to come back with something worse. i was dancing with near death. maybe that sounds a bit dramatic.. i don't know.
I do know this. Im happy to be here. Im keeping a positive attitude. I'm accepting it as a new way of living. I feel so much better.
I know now why I wasnt meant to be in new orleans. Now i know why this wasn't my time  there. My family has been such a support and help during this time... I would have probably never went to emergency room if it wasnt for my Mother insisting. I really wasnt aware of how sick i really was and how unhealty i looked to my family and friends. I know it was stupid. I've been avoiding coming to terms with the fact that yes greg you are getting older. you are not young and invincible anymore.
I happy to have come out on the other side. no, im not invincible. but im still here. im feeling better than i have for a couple of months.
So for those of you wondering where i've been and why ive been so quiet. there you go. Hopefully soon i'll feel like creating again.  I just finished a piece.. it's relating this journal entry. I still dont feel connected to it quite fully yet... eventually i will.
So for those of you that read through.. thanks and I hope to be back here real soon!

-greg-
  • Listening to: nothing. i like silence sometimes
  • Reading: between books
  • Watching: dr who.
  • Eating: less potassium and sodium
  • Drinking: water

not very devious.

Sat Apr 25, 2009, 2:49 PM
yes im still around. haven't been feeling very... devious lately.
and still feeling a bit creatively impotent. im going away on a small vacation for my birthday in may... hopefully a trip back to New Orleans will revitalize my spirits.

until then.

-g-

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…
  • Listening to: 70'

inject me.

Sun Apr 5, 2009, 9:19 PM
i feel broken somehow.
scattered in bits and pieces
lacking any real cohesion.

im mad at myself on some level
for deciding to move back to pittsburgh.
and I dont really want to admit it.
(even though i just did).
But part of me is also a little happy
because some good things are
happening @ the workplace
and I should be happy about it.
But my heart is somewhere else
and yet it isn't.

and that's why i feel broken.
like im drifting.
and it's affecting my creativity or
rather my desire to make art.
it feels pointless lately.

--
I'm the boy without a soul, No hot love, no worldly goal, Inject me, inject me Cut the lights, and shut the doors Use, abuse, take me I'm yours, Inject me, inject me... I can see a blur but I just can't feel my way, Sometimes I feel I'm just not real, My head's in disarray, I've no ambition and no direction Can't face today, today; My mind's distracted by the light refracted... I drift offworld to avoid detection, Disengaged, A.W.O.L., inactive, I'm the boy without a soul, No hot love, no worldly goal, Inject me, inject me...

-inject me PWEI.

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…

the whimper @ the end of the world

Fri Apr 3, 2009, 8:30 PM
So I consider myself a fairly informed modern day kind of person-- pretty competent with electronics and gadgets. I like gimmicky cell phones- my electronic toys.  The computer is my friend, it is the portal that takes me to the vast collective subconscious that is teh internets. I myspace, I favebook. I deviantart. I can stream anything I am in the mood to listen to. Watch just about anything I want to when I want to. I txt. I journal online, I even youtube. I have google bookmarked on my phones browser so that if I need to know something I can quickly retrieve the information. It's safe to say Im plugged in. With all that said. I still don't understand the need for something like twitter to exsist. I understand the marketing of it. But wow. Really?  All it this new interconnnectedness and ways of communicating  has magnified our neuroses as a people. We have turned into a voyeuristic society. we all think we have our 15 minutes. We call out into the void of the internets. This is me. I exsist. You exsist. I can haz cheezburger now!

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…
  • Listening to: Beastie Boys - Check your head
  • Reading: angels and demons
  • Watching: too much hulu
  • Playing: mind games
  • Eating: satsuma
  • Drinking: red tea.

rubbish.

Fri Mar 20, 2009, 7:50 PM
around the world and home again, that's the sailors way.
faster.

faster

there's no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going
there's no knowing where we are roaming
or which direction the rivers flowing
is it raining?
is it snowing?
is a hurrican a blowing?
not
a
speck
of light
is showing
so
the danger must be growing
are the fires of hell glowing?
is the grisley reaper mowing?
YES
THE DANGER MUST BE GROWING
for the rowers
keep on rowing
and they certainly arentshowinganysignsthattheyareslowing


-willy wonka with gene wilder.


so that's  the haze ive been in.

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…
  • Listening to: i

ground control to major tom

Fri Feb 20, 2009, 8:37 PM
I so miss the warmth of the south. Woke up today to a brisk 1 degree with wind chill factored in. Spring is only one month away and im anxiously awaiting her return.
I need some color. I need some green. Some pretty blues and yellows. Thank god I can make bombastic colours in my art.

Speaking of which I like the direction that it has been going lately. these last several pieces have felt good to make. I like when the process of creating is very cathartic.. in a way it always is but sometimes... that feeling is a bit more intense. At least that's how it feels to me.

It's still kind of.. surreal.. being back up north. It's like I just was on Hiatus for 4 months. Im back doing some of the same things.. even working the same job. The owner called me and offered me my old position which was a blessing in this economy. being back in the same place doing basically the same thing. Life is funny that way.

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…
  • Listening to: ignoring the voices in my dogs head.
  • Reading: re reading jursassic park
  • Watching: bsg
  • Drinking: h20

im now my evil twin

Mon Feb 9, 2009, 12:05 AM
Well last time  wrote in here I was sitting in nice little cafe in the french quarter of new orleans using a borrowed laptop and wi fi. As i write this update im approximately 1080 miles from that previous location.. unfortunately I had to move back to pa after only being in New Orleans for a little over 4 months. Note to self don't try to pack up your life during an economic recession.
I keep telling myself it wasn't my time down there... but that excuse is very smoke and mirrors and almost frail to me. I don't think I really let go of certain things up here.. at least enough to let myself get attached somewhere else. So now im back where I was. Even went back to old job-- something that wasn't planned but just happened. So in a way it's like it never happened. Im back in the same place at the same job. Sure i've grown a little. And somehow managed to loose 35lb... but im back where i was with no plans and idea where things are going next. I feel like I sort of let the city defeat me, that I didn't really get to know her secrets. Someday I might be able to return... when im stronger and the time is right.
It's weird being back here. im telling everyone i have returned.. but as my evil twin.

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…

Sunday Venting

Sun Jan 18, 2009, 4:17 PM
So.. i've been  trying my best to be upbeat, positive, to keep telling myself that good things are about to happen. But.. im running out platitudes for myself. Im running out of optimism.
It feels like the hole that ive been digging is getting deeper and wider.
Im jobless again. And it's my own damn fault because of my own damn arrogance. I thought I had a job working at a gallery-- they called me in to work with them for a day to make sure I liked the place and that I fit in with their weird little family. It went well.. I talked with the owner he seemed to really like me. I left with a great feeling... finally my job Karma was back.. so in my arrogance I quit my other job on the spot.
And of course the next day I get the call.. that they decided to go with the other candidate that was up for the same job. It was down to two of us. They didnt chose me.
So... here I am jobless and.... feeling like shite.   Somewhere I lost my job karma.
And im so tired of hearing people say things will get better.. it all happens for a reason.  
Im tired of platitudes and optimism.
Everyday I have to search out for those reasons why I decided to move, why I decided to uproot my comfortable life.
I still love this city and it's charms.. or rather I would love it even more if I could actually go out and do things and experience the wonderfulness and culture that this city has to offer.
But im tired.. and lonely. And part of mejust wants to give up. I won't though. I'll fight the urge, but it's getting harder and harder and harder to remain upbeat, to remain positive.
I still have a roof over my head. I still have a car, I still have my friends.

all the rest is darkness.


-g-

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…

where have i been?

Sun Jan 11, 2009, 2:45 PM
hello out there in deviantart land.  I've been haunting this place for about a month now. Haven't felt very creative. Though the winds seem to be changing. I finally posted some new art.
Unfortunately I probably won't be around here too much in the coming weeks-- we are without the internets @ the house right now.
It basically boiled down to paying the electricity or the cable bill.  So im writing this in a coffee house in the french quarter from my roomie scot's laptop.
Hopefully soon I will be plugged back into the googlsphere back at the house. Until then...

...end transmission...

-g-

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…
  • Listening to: some hipster couple talk about school
  • Reading: gambit weekly
  • Watching: girls will be girls

Lakeview

Sat Dec 6, 2008, 12:24 AM
Lake Ponchartrain 1
Lake Ponchartrain 2
Lake Ponchartrain 3

For those of you not familiar with New Orleans territory on one side of the city you have the mighty Mississippi snaking her way through Louisiana, on the other side of the city you have the quite large and wonderful Lake Ponchartrain. I was up by the lake today enjoying the view-- luckily im only 5 miles away from this gorgeous body of water.
Some small trivia it's the second largest salt water lake in the U.S and it is the largest lake in Louisiana-- covering an area of about 630 sq miles. So there's your geography lesson for today kiddies.

in news of strange things overheard in bars... a pixie-ish girl at Lafittes in exile looked at me and said 'watch my drink while i go to the bathroom, if anyone tries to dose it make sure it's uppers and not downers'.

-greg-

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…
  • Listening to: silence
  • Reading: re-reading Naked by David Sedaris
  • Watching: .Heathers

sounds and photos

Fri Nov 14, 2008, 5:07 PM
504 logo

hello out there in deviantland.

just a quick little update... for those of you who want to go over to my myspace page (www.myspace.com/gregoriousone) I posted some photos of the new digs down here in New Orleans.

Im writing this as I hear the calliope play on one of the boats that is chugging on down the mississippi. and that's a pretty darn cool thing. We also baptized the house with our first dinner party last night. we had four new friends over and I roasted some pork in bacon, white wine, fresh rosemary, garlic, and some oranges. yummy. also recreated a delicious tomato spread we had in a local restaurant. And of course if your roasting meat you need some nice butter and cream heavy mashed potatoes! My other roomie made some stuffing (you can never have enough carbs and starch at a feast) green beans and a wonderful and decedent peanutbutter chocolate custard pie. All in all it was a great feast!

i feel so energize and creative lately. i love it.

let the good times roll....

-greg-

devious prints: gregoriousone.deviantart.com/s…
  • Listening to: my heart
  • Watching: .